Sunday, November 25, 2012

Tackiness in Football Wins

Running up a score on a completely outclassed opponent seems to be an unnecessary manifestation of tackiness.  I am less proud of Alabama's performance than before Saturday's game.  49-0 is sick!

I'm ready for basketball now.

Friday, November 23, 2012

The Cure for the Rare Condition

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?" The woman nodded, "Pepper!"

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Football Predictions Week Thirteen

Nov, 23

LSU 32  Arkansas 14 -- Just not Arkansas's year, LSU is too strong.

Nov. 24

Alabama 40  Auburn 14 -- Bama has a chance at the National Championship if everything goes right, and they won't screw it up by losing this one.

Kentucky 21 Tennessee 16 -- UK wins this duel for the cellar.

Mississippi State 35  Ole Miss 28 -- Too much cowbell for Ole Miss.

Missouri at Texas A&M 45  Missouri 10 -- The Aggies have emerged strong.

Florida  32 Florida State 20 -- Game of the Week

Georgia 36  Georgia Tech 16 -- Georgia is best in the SEC East; and better than the ACC.

South Carolina 22  Clemson 7 -- SC had a disappointing year.

Vanderbilt 33  Wake Forest 20 -- It's nice to predict a Vandy win.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Football Predictions Week Twelve

Mississippi State 24  Arkansas 17

Auburn 40  Alabama A&M 20  If Auburn doesn't win this one, they are totally shamed and can forget about any chance against Bama in two weeks.

LSU 35  Ole Miss 17 -- the Game of the Week   Old rivals that don't like each other very much.  Look for a hard game but LSU is too much for the Rebs.

Tennessee 28  Vanderbilt 21

Alabama 50 Western Carolina 7  Alabama lost last week, but they weren't beaten.  Expect a big comeback this week.

Missouri 27  Syracuse 17

Florida 38  Jacksonville State 17 Florida had a close call last weekend.  That won't happen again.

Georgia 42  Georgia Southern 7  Look for Georgia t prevail easily.

Kentucky 17  Samford 10

South Carolina 35  Wofford 14  Why was this game scheduled?

Texas A & M 35  Sam Houston State 10  The Aggies are too strong here.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Waiting for the Axe to Fall in Auburn and Knoxville

By no stretch of the imagination can we call this a banner year for Auburn or UT.

Right now, the more berserk of fans are asking for the axes to fall on their teams' coaches.  Here's an article discussing the likelihood of Gene Chizik's and Derek Dooley's demises:

Apparently, both institutions would have to honor contracts that would give Chizik and Dooley mucho dinero to leave. Like millions!  By contract, a faculty or staff member would simply be told "bye-bye" and collect the pension.

But Chizik did coach a BCS team at Auburn just two years ago!!!!!

But I have a modest, cost-saving proposal for Auburn and Tennessee: simply exchange coaches.

Auburn and Knoxville are both attractive, agreeable places to live, with better entertainment, restaurants, and stores than is the case with Tuscaloosa or Florence.

And this would give both Auburn and UT time enough to line up a real replacement.  Just don't negotiate any sweetheart contracts in the meantime.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Elmore Leonard Quotes

If you play a country song backwards, you get your girl and truck back, you're no longer drunk, and your hound dog comes back to life.

“I always felt, you don’t have a good time doin crime, you may as well find a job.”
Elmore Leonard, Raylan

“There are cities that get by on their good looks. Detroit has to work for a living.”

Ten Rules of  Writing
1. Never open a book with weather.
2. Avoid prologues.
3. Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue.
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said”…he admonished gravely.
5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.
6. Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose."
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.
9. Don't go into great detail describing places and things.
10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

My most important rule is one that sums up the 10.

If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.”

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Football Predictions Week Eleven

Alabama 30  Texas A&M 14 --SEC Game of the Week
South Carolina 29  Arkansas 7
Georgia 31  Auburn 16 -- An easy one for Georgia.
LSU 37  Mississippi State 7 -- Hard for the Bulldogs following LSU's heartbreaking loss.
Vanderbilt 32  Ole Miss 24 -- Vandy is no longer the SEC doormat.
Missouri 35  Tennessee 31

Florida 45  Louisiana-Lafayette 10

UNA 38  West Alabama 14 -- This pick is as much an act of faith as anything else.  UNA's disappointing season ends in Livingston this Saturday.  That's a sorry place to wind up in.