Saturday, October 14, 2017

Bats, and Not the Louisville Slugger Variety

When I was working, for much of my career I was in the oldest building on the campus. The building had unofficial residents: bats.

Now it happened that it had two large stairwells: the smelly one, and the unsmelly one. I counseled students on the first day of class to use the one that didn't smell and not the other.

The reason: batshit.

Yes, and these were members of a protected species. Not homo sapiens.

Let me stipulate that I was not gentle when I occasionally had to remove one from a classroom. I channeled Little Bunny Foo Foo, bopped him on the head, and swept him into a trash can, Not messing with rabies or histoplasmosis! Tough love for bats.

Well, we recently heard late night scratching in my house's attic. I thought, oh my god! It's bats. So we called Varmint Busters.

The verdict: The scratching sounds were just from mice. Hooray! Mice are small; they don't leave a mountain of guano, and they are unprotected! And they're easily eraticated.

I think that we should re-think our notions about certain species being protected. After all, bats are not whooping cranes!





Wednesday, September 6, 2017

A Nurse and an Intern

A nurse is giving a young medical intern a tour of the hospital.

The intern approaches one bedridden patient and asks, “Why are you here?” 

The patient replies, “Wee sleket cowerin’ timrous beastie/O, what a panic is in thy breastie.”

The intern moves on to the next bed and asks the same question, “Why are you here?” 

The patient answers, “O, my luv is like a red, red, rose that’s newly sprung in June.”

The intern moves on to a third bed and asks again, “Why are you here?” 

To which the third patient replies, “The best laid plans of mice and men, may often gang awry.”

At this the intern turns to the nurse and asks, “What ward is this, anyway?” 

And the nurse answers, “It’s the Burns Unit.”

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Have a Good Year!

There's been a lot of complaining that 2016 was the worst year ever; especially with the number of celebrities who died in 2016 and the election of Donald Trump to the Presidency. Yes, I'll agree that I wish those things didn't happen. But, hell! Life will go on anyway; and we need to pick up and deal with it.

Here's a reminder by Louis Armstrong about the present. I hope this will serve as a cheer up. This is one of the most optimistic songs ever recorded.