Saturday, April 14, 2018

Dove Linkhorn on a True Religious Calling

[From the movie, Walk on the Wild Side.]

Jezebel! That's right, I mean you! Now both of you sinners are hurrying past.
You got no business with us mister.
Oh, sinners is my business. You and that hip-slinging daughter of Satan. You know there's the smell of sulfur and brimstone about you. The smell of hellfire.
Who ordained preacher?
I am self-ordained son; I had the call.
You were called by the wrong voice mister.
Lord strike this sinner down. Send a bolt down to smite and consume the blasphemer now!
He won't hear you. Cause you no friend of God or man - standing there hollering hate to the world. God is love. God is mercy and forgiveness. Try preaching that sometime Mr. Preacher. Teach people to forgive, not to crawl in fear. Teach people to love, not hate. preach the good book - preach the truth.

Monday, February 26, 2018

Found in a Street in Washington

Psychedelic sheep at 13th St. and New York Avenue?

These were a sculpture by Taiwanese artist Hung Yi.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Bats, and Not the Louisville Slugger Variety

When I was working, for much of my career I was in the oldest building on the campus. The building had unofficial residents: bats.

Now it happened that it had two large stairwells: the smelly one, and the unsmelly one. I counseled students on the first day of class to use the one that didn't smell and not the other.

The reason: batshit.

Yes, and these were members of a protected species. Not homo sapiens.

Let me stipulate that I was not gentle when I occasionally had to remove one from a classroom. I channeled Little Bunny Foo Foo, bopped him on the head, and swept him into a trash can, Not messing with rabies or histoplasmosis! Tough love for bats.

Well, we recently heard late night scratching in my house's attic. I thought, oh my god! It's bats. So we called Varmint Busters.

The verdict: The scratching sounds were just from mice. Hooray! Mice are small; they don't leave a mountain of guano, and they are unprotected! And they're easily eraticated.

I think that we should re-think our notions about certain species being protected. After all, bats are not whooping cranes!

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

A Nurse and an Intern

A nurse is giving a young medical intern a tour of the hospital.

The intern approaches one bedridden patient and asks, “Why are you here?” 

The patient replies, “Wee sleket cowerin’ timrous beastie/O, what a panic is in thy breastie.”

The intern moves on to the next bed and asks the same question, “Why are you here?” 

The patient answers, “O, my luv is like a red, red, rose that’s newly sprung in June.”

The intern moves on to a third bed and asks again, “Why are you here?” 

To which the third patient replies, “The best laid plans of mice and men, may often gang awry.”

At this the intern turns to the nurse and asks, “What ward is this, anyway?” 

And the nurse answers, “It’s the Burns Unit.”

Wednesday, April 19, 2017