Thursday, October 27, 2011

SEC Picks for Week 9

Georgia at Florida:  Florida 34 Georgia 17

Mississippi at Auburn: Auburn 38 Mississippi 17

Missisippi State at Kentucky: Mississippi State 30 Kentucky 27

South Carolina at Tennessee:  South Carolina 28 Tennessee 16

Arkansas at Vanderbilt: Arkansas 27 Vanderbilt17

Monday, October 24, 2011

Dove Linkhorn on a True Religious Calling

Jezebel! That's right, I mean you! Now both of you sinners are hurrying past.
You got no business with us mister.
Oh, sinners is my business. You and that hip-slinging daughter of Satan. You know there's the smell of sulfur and brimstone about you. The smell of hellfire.
Who ordained preacher?
I am self-ordained son; I had the call.
You were called by the wrong voice mister.
Lord strike this sinner down. Send a bolt down to smite and consume the blasphemer now!
He won't hear you. Cause you no friend of God or man - standing there hollering hate to the world. God is love. God is mercy and forgiveness. Try preaching that sometime Mr. Preacher. Teach people to forgive, not to crawl in fear. Teach people to love, not hate. preach the good book - preach the truth.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

SEC Picks for Week 8

Auburn at LSU:  LSU 31 Auburn 17

Tennessee at Alabama: Alabama 35 Tennessee 17

Jacksonville State at Kentucky:  Jacksonville State 30 Kentucky 28

Army at Vanderbilt:  Vanderbilt 24 Army 18

Arkansas at Mississippi:  Arkansas 21 Mississippi 14

Last week: 5-0!

Friday, October 14, 2011

SEC Picks for Week 7

LSU at Tennessee:  LSU 44 Tennessee 14

South Carolina at Mississippi State:  South Carolina 29 Mississippi State 16

Florida at Auburn:  Auburn 31 Florida 24

Alabama at Mississippi:  Alabama 42 Mississippi 17

Georgia at Vanderbilt:  Georgia 21 Vanderbilt 8

Okay, I was 4-2 last weekend.  I blew it on the Tennessee and Auburn non-wins.  That's the way it bounces.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Joe Bob Briggs on "Dysfunctional"

You notice how everybody uses this word "dysfunctional" all the time, like:
"You're dysfunctional!"

"I was in a very dysfunctional relationship."
(Translation:  he was a jerk.)

"I grew up in a dysfunctional family." 
(Translation:  we yelled a lot.)

But the ones that get me are the people who are PROUD of it.  They want you to know just how dysfunctional they are.  They'll tell you how they were SOOOO dysfunctional that it shaped their personality forever and so now they'll never be able to have a lasting relationship because blah blah blah and they keep changing the color of their hair because this dysfunctional thing happened and they're insecure now and blah blah blah and keep using this word, over and over again, like "I'm dysfunctional, and my FAMILY was dysfunctional, and I'm attracted to dysfunctional people," and after a while you wanna say "why don't all you dysfunctionals get up a softball team or something?"  As my grandma used to say, "That boy needs a hobby."

Anyhow, listen to me:

When you're 14 years old, MAYBE you can blame your parents for doing all this dysfunctional stuff that screwed you up.

When you're 34 years old, you are what's known in America as a "grown-up."

You can't blame it on THEM anymore!  Understand?

They might have screwed up the first 14, but the last 20 are YOURS.

This whole "dysfunctional" thing is some kind of psychiatrist deal, isn't it?  They invented it to make more money.

Cause we all know how life works, right?

You're born.

You make up a bunch of goals and plans.

You don't do any of em.

A bunch of stuff you didn't think of comes along and makes you into something you didn't wanna be.

You whine about being "dysfunctional."

You eat a lot of Mexican food.

You die.

This isn't anything new.  This is the way it's always been.

Get over it, okay?

I don't wanna have to explain this again.

Friday, October 7, 2011

SEC Picks for Week 6

For Week 5 I was right 5-2.

Week 6 Picks:

Vanderbilt at Alabama:  Alabama 37 Vanderbilt 6

Florida at LSU:  LSU 28 Florida 19

Georgia at Tennessee:  Tennessee 17 Georgia 14

Mississippi State at UAB:  Mississippi State 24 UAB 16

Auburn at Arkansas:  Auburn 24 Arkansas 17

Kentucky at South Carolina:  South Carolina 36 Kentucky 14

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Plan

This is an internet oldie.  Still relevant today.

In the Beginning there was The Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without Form.

And the Plan was completely without Substance.

And The Darkness was upon the face of The Workers.

And they Spake among Themselves, Saying, "It is a Crock of bull, And It Stinketh."

And The Workers went unto their Supervisors and Sayeth, "It is a Pail of Dung and none may Abide the Odour Thereof."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and Sayeth unto them, "It is a Container of Excrement and It is very strong, Such that None may Abide by It."

And the Managers went unto their Directors and Sayeth, "It is a Vessel of Fertilizer, and None may Abide Its Strength."

And the Directors spoke amongst Themselves, Saying One to Another, "It contains That Which Aids Plant Growth, and It is Very Strong."

And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and Sayeth unto Them, "It promotes Growth and is Very Powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and Sayeth unto Him, "This New Plan will actively promote the Growth and Efficiency of This Company, and These Areas in Particular."

And The President looked upon The Plan And Saw that It Was Good.

And The Plan Became Policy.

This is how Shit Happens.